dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
