i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
