haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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