Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
