Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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