I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
