Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
pray to the hookup gods
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
