i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
