dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize