there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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