Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
