My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
