Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
