I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
