if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dignity is for republicans.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's get the cat blown out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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