i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
