So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
