you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
