wanna go halves on a baby?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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