Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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