wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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