Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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