When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
