I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize