so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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