What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
