Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
