you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
