This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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