The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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