once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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