He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
