We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
