They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
