I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am naked and annoyed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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