you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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