so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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