I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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