I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
