I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
