Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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