so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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