she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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