the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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