not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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