I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's great music for shaving your balls
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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