Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
