so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
