listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize