he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
