I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
