I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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