I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
