how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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