Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
