So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
