My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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