i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
