All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
