I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize