I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
