I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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