At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
