Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize