I'm pants shitting drunk right now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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