dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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