did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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