I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
