I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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