I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
