considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
