i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
