Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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