What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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